Letting Go

It's been almost two weeks since Ginger ran away. Luckily I've been pretty busy this week so I haven't had much time to think about it. But I wish Ginger was back. Every time I've thought of her since she's gone I haven't felt anything, in the sense of if I thought maybe someone had her I didn't feel good about that, or that she wasn't alive anymore, I didn't feel good about that. There was just a confusing feeling of nothing.

Yesterday I got a few texts from friends saying someone had found a little white dog a mile from our house. My heart started racing and I couldn't believe it! I had secretly wanted to be the one to find Ginger all this time. Every time I got in the car I would drive real slow and scan for her. I climbed into the ditch hoping I'd find some trace of her. I wanted to be the one who brilliantly thought of the place where she'd gone and scooped her up and brought her home. So when I got responses from the picture I'd put online, I was so excited. I was going to get to bring her home.

I called the girl who'd found the dog, not having any idea what to say. The first thing I asked was if the dog was a girl. It was. Then I said, so it's a white little dog? Does she have a collar? The dog didn't have a collar. Then the girl said, What's on her back? Ginger didn't have anything on her back. Well, she had spotted pink and brown skin but you can only see it if she's wet. It didn't sound like Ginger though, so I hung up and called my mom, making sure I was right about her lack of spots. I was. My mom then told me about an experience where she'd felt Ginger sitting beside her, even though there was nothing there. As soon as she said that, I finally got a feeling and I just knew that Ginger isn't here on earth with us anymore.

I'm really going to miss her. I wish that Monday had gone different. I wish she would have climbed up in my bed with me when I told her to come snuggle that morning. I wish I'd held her in my arms before I gave her that treat and let her outside before I went to work that day. I'm going to miss that little dog. I wanted her to be there at my wedding. I wanted her to play with my dog when I eventually get one. Maybe even lick my kid's faces. She was there all of highschool. Through all those good and bad times. She licked every friend I ever made and they all loved her, even if I don't talk to them anymore.

I'm going to miss you Ginger. I loved you so much.