It seems like forever ago that they released that Gilette ad about toxic masculinity. I watched as people I'd grown up with freaked out about it, saying that it said that men need to be like women, and that it condemned masculinity altogether, along with other things. I crafted post after post to write on my social media, but in the end didn't bother writing anything. I didn't feel like arguing with people. But I had to share my thoughts somewhere, so here they are.
To me, toxic masculinity is exactly what it says-- ideals of masculinity that are toxic. It's telling your son that he needs to suck it up and not cry. That he can get away with more than girls because 'boys will be boys.' The idea that he can't read or watch certain media because it's "for girls." At the same time, girls are asked to watch things that are "for boys" all of the time. It's the idea that men need to repress their feelings. That they can't be scared or sad. That they have to fight and prove how tough they are.That they can show their interest in women by being rough, catcalling, and taking what they want.
I was reading some stories about toxic masculinity, and a lot of men said that these ideas were perpetuated by their mother's. Their mothers told them to stop crying, to man up, to suck it up, and so on. I don't want to do that for Aaron.
Aaron is a person. He's going to have feelings and it's okay for him to express them. I want him to express them in a healthy manner. I want him to read whatever books he's interested in. When I used to do book talks there was one with a pink cover about a girl who could time travel when she put on old clothes. We had tons of boys come up and ask about that book afterwards, wanting to check it out. I was so shocked, but then I realized that most of those boys were the children of immigrants. They hadn't been taught that pink was for girls only. In other cultures around the world colors have completely different meanings. That's why when I found a swaddle that was 75% off that was pink, I didn't think twice about buying it for Aaron.
I'm going to teach Aaron about consent, about healthy sexuality, and how to treat everyone. I want him to embody all of the beautiful aspects of masculinity. I'm not raising him to be a woman. I just want him to know that being a man doesn't mean he has to be an unfeeling robot.
I read something interesting that talked about how as recently as the 1950s, pink was actually a "boy" color and blue was a "girl color." I can't remember where, but it was so fascinating!
ReplyDelete