I've been gone the past two weeks because I was wrapping up my novel, and finally taking the next step in the process: querying. Since it's been my dream to be a published writer with a book on the shelf since I was nine, the word query is one I've known about for quite some time. When I mention it to anyone who hasn't had that dream, they stare at me like I'm insane.
Querying is kind of like submitting a resume and cover letter to a job. You have one page to give a short intro about yourself, and somehow interest an agent who spends all day reading these into wanting to read more about your book. I've been building up to the moment where I'd be writing one of these for a long time.
Actually, that isn't true. The summer after I graduated high school, I sent out exactly one query to an agent. I submitted it hastily for a book about my adventures my freshman year of high school. I didn't even put a subject line in the email, and I never heard back, which is GOOD. No one needs to read that. Ever.
Anyways, I finished up my novel the morning of Thanksgiving. I think I've reached a new level of adulting where I only sleep exactly eight hours a night. Before, I would fall asleep whenever and only wake up with my alarm. I'd get way more than eight hours of sleep, which was okay. Now, I go to bed and I sleep for exactly eight hours. For some reason we were exhausted the day before Thanksgiving, and so we went to bed an hour and a half earlier than usual. So I woke up wide awake in the morning and finished those last few scenes that I needed too. And then I was done! It was surreal.
I'd already researched agents, so after a whole day of excitement, I finally submitted my first queries that night. I just couldn't wait any longer. I sent the rest of them the next morning. I was feeling good.
Then the crippling doubt and anxiety set in. I've been listening to a lot of interviews with authors and writers, and just artists in general, so I know this is normal. But man. It's rough. As soon as I hit send, I kept second guessing myself. Could I have made it better? Am I truly ready? Should I do another draft of revisions? Am I a fraud? Who am I kidding. I can't do this. What am I doing? Should I be working on something else? And so on.
I had a lot of panic attacks and nightmares. Then, I received my first rejection. And I instantly felt a bit better. Every writer gets rejections. That makes me more legit. The anxiety dreams stopped. It was a nice, short, rejection. Then rejection two and three came while I was at work. All of my co-workers stood in a circle and clapped and cheered for me. For some reason rejection four was the worst. Mostly because the email was sent from someone else that I hadn't originally sent it too. I thought maybe, just maybe, my query had been forwarded to another agent who was interested in reading more. Nope. Just the assistant rejecting me.
Around then is when I started wondering how many of these I need to do. Do I just wait for the first fifteen rejections, and then give up? Call it good? No! I did so much work. I can't stop at fifteen. If I stop there, then I don't truly deserve this. Publishing takes a thick skin and a whole lot of rejection. Plus, this is my dream. I can't give up that easily.
I know I'm dreaming long term, but if I'm going to be published, I need some headshots. There has to be a pretty picture in the back of my book. One of my friends is an amazing photographer and will be moving soon, so I asked her to take some for me. From the few I've seen so far, they've turned out amazing. Better than I could have hoped for. But just getting those taken has made me feel like more of a fraud. What am I thinking? I ask myself. Why did I have her do these if I might never be published?
Querying is kind of like submitting a resume and cover letter to a job. You have one page to give a short intro about yourself, and somehow interest an agent who spends all day reading these into wanting to read more about your book. I've been building up to the moment where I'd be writing one of these for a long time.
Actually, that isn't true. The summer after I graduated high school, I sent out exactly one query to an agent. I submitted it hastily for a book about my adventures my freshman year of high school. I didn't even put a subject line in the email, and I never heard back, which is GOOD. No one needs to read that. Ever.
Anyways, I finished up my novel the morning of Thanksgiving. I think I've reached a new level of adulting where I only sleep exactly eight hours a night. Before, I would fall asleep whenever and only wake up with my alarm. I'd get way more than eight hours of sleep, which was okay. Now, I go to bed and I sleep for exactly eight hours. For some reason we were exhausted the day before Thanksgiving, and so we went to bed an hour and a half earlier than usual. So I woke up wide awake in the morning and finished those last few scenes that I needed too. And then I was done! It was surreal.
I'd already researched agents, so after a whole day of excitement, I finally submitted my first queries that night. I just couldn't wait any longer. I sent the rest of them the next morning. I was feeling good.
Then the crippling doubt and anxiety set in. I've been listening to a lot of interviews with authors and writers, and just artists in general, so I know this is normal. But man. It's rough. As soon as I hit send, I kept second guessing myself. Could I have made it better? Am I truly ready? Should I do another draft of revisions? Am I a fraud? Who am I kidding. I can't do this. What am I doing? Should I be working on something else? And so on.
I had a lot of panic attacks and nightmares. Then, I received my first rejection. And I instantly felt a bit better. Every writer gets rejections. That makes me more legit. The anxiety dreams stopped. It was a nice, short, rejection. Then rejection two and three came while I was at work. All of my co-workers stood in a circle and clapped and cheered for me. For some reason rejection four was the worst. Mostly because the email was sent from someone else that I hadn't originally sent it too. I thought maybe, just maybe, my query had been forwarded to another agent who was interested in reading more. Nope. Just the assistant rejecting me.
Around then is when I started wondering how many of these I need to do. Do I just wait for the first fifteen rejections, and then give up? Call it good? No! I did so much work. I can't stop at fifteen. If I stop there, then I don't truly deserve this. Publishing takes a thick skin and a whole lot of rejection. Plus, this is my dream. I can't give up that easily.
I know I'm dreaming long term, but if I'm going to be published, I need some headshots. There has to be a pretty picture in the back of my book. One of my friends is an amazing photographer and will be moving soon, so I asked her to take some for me. From the few I've seen so far, they've turned out amazing. Better than I could have hoped for. But just getting those taken has made me feel like more of a fraud. What am I thinking? I ask myself. Why did I have her do these if I might never be published?
Here's just a few of these amazing photos.
I then made the mistake of trying to jump straight into another writing project. I'm burnt out, and need to replenish those creative juices from wherever they come from. I also need to chill.
I've made a game plan for my next move though. If I do get those fifteen rejections, I'm going to re-write my letter and send a different sample chapter, and see how that goes for another fifteen. If that goes bad as well, I'll do one more round of tweaks, and try another fifteen. Then, I'll reevaluate from there.
I know this is all normal, but it's been tough and stressful, which hasn't been pleasant. But I'm not giving up.
Good luck Kylee!!!
ReplyDelete