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I needed to clean

Yesterday, I was just done. I didn't want to deal with this life thing anymore. Nothing serious was going on, I had just had really bad anxiety the day before and then all day that day and I was just tired and done. I pushed myself to get somethings done, and then decided I wanted to organize some drawers in my room. This is a very rare occurrence hahaha! As I started cleaning, I started getting more and more overwhelmed. I just wanted to throw things out, but I kept finding things I needed or wasn't sure what to do with. (What are you supposed to do with the monthly letters from your retirement fund?) I'm not digging the whole grown up papers thing. So, my already bad anxiety went up a level.

But then I started finding things. First, it was my senior year yearbook. Even though it wasn't that long ago since I made it, I wanted to look through it. Then, I found a hand out on different relaxation techniques that had been handed to me a few months ago but I'd never read fully over. I'd been looking for those and needed them! Last, it was some sweet notes Sammy wrote me a long time ago. I sat down and went through all those papers. The relaxation techniques worked. The love notes were so sweet and reassuring. But what was really nice was reading through the yearbook. There were multiple people who wrote things to the effect of, "You're always smiling and can always make me laugh." And I really needed to hear that in that moment. I wasn't feeling so cool. I felt like a sad little grey cloud floating along making others sad as well. Weird metaphor, I know. But those sweet words quickly scribbled in really uplifted me. Because I had bad days back then too, but I still was able to make people laugh. And that's something I'm really proud of. I really love to make people laugh.

I was having a bad day and Heavenly Father knew exactly what I needed. I needed to clean.

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