I'm fed up. Fed up with street harassment. The last couple days around campus, these signs have been hanging around.
I felt like clapping and shouting for joy. Or yelling AMEN like they always do on those tv shows. I went through http://www.stopstreetharassment.org and read more to see what they were all about. It was refreshing, and angering. Because street harassment is a problem, and the people who are doing it aren't the ones who are going to see these posters on campus.
I'm fed up. Wherever I go, I'm a paranoid mess. I hate going places on my own. I dread times when I have to take the bus, train, or even just walk through a parking lot. Because I'm worried that I'm going to get harassed, and it has happened. I hate being at red lights because of the cars that roll down their windows. Sometimes, I hate walking into my dorm because of the groups of guys standing outside, who knows if they live there, and their stupid smirks and nods and whistles. I hate it.
I hate when it happens at work. When I'm at work, I can not leave. This is my place of work, and I shouldn't have to. It disgusts me the things that some men think it's ok to say to people. Yesterday, a very frequent customer asked me if I had a sugar daddy to buy me nice things with a little eyebrow raise. When I stood there in shock at what he had just said, he continued saying, you're blonde, you have blue eyes, you have to have a sugar daddy. It was disgusting. This was only the most recent inappropriate thing a customer has said to me, it happens a LOT to me and all my other woman co-workers.
It's not just me, and I know it's not. My roommate has plenty of stories from working at a football stadium. Every girl friend I have has been made very uncomfortable riding the bus, waiting at the bus stop, or just walking. There's a guy who thinks it's ok to stroke my sister's hair in class. And I know it goes on and on.
Why do people think this ok? Why does this happen so much? And what can we do to stop it? I went through the stop street harassment website and they have some good tips. The main one is to say something back to the harasser. The problem with that is, whenever it happens I'm either shocked or in flight mode and can't think straight. And it's not probable for me to get a big group of people to walk with me every minute of everyday to wherever it is I'm going. So now what? I thought about making a tshirt with one of the sayings on it, but that would defeat the point. One thing the website said is that some men think women are asking for this because of the way they are dressed, act, or appear. So I feel like a t-shirt wouldn't help the problem, because people might think I'm giving them permission to look at my body because there are words on it.
I think an important thing is to get the word out. I thought I was such a scaredy cat, being so uncomfortable walking anywhere by myself. I was so happy to see that this has a name, street harassment, and that LOTS of people have experienced it and are fed up.
I think it's also important to stress when it's OK to try and talk to a girl you might want to get to know better. Those times are when she is not somewhere she can't leave. When she is not trying to get somewhere. When she looks comfortable and relaxed. If she doesn't look away, seem distracted, or look uncomfortable. If none of those things apply, then go right ahead. Otherwise, it's best to back off.
Just because we are outside does not mean you have a right to talk to me or anyone in that way, to treat us like animals, and make us uncomfortable. It is not a compliment. It is not wanted. I am a person. We all are people. Learn to read body language. Keep your mouth closed. Street harassment is real, and it needs to end. There's enough things wrong in this world and to be worried about, how to get from point A to point B shouldn't be one of them.
I completely agree. Unfortunately, I don't think anything is going to stop this. The world is just going to keep getting worse & worse & worse.
ReplyDeleteAMEN!!!
ReplyDeleteCan I just say that I've never experienced this? I sometimes get guys I'm not interested in hitting on me at work, but it's nothing demeaning or disrespectful. In fact, I once was walking to the bus stop from school, and someone in his early- mid-twenties asked if I had any money to spare, and then I told him I didn't have any, sorry. He responded by thanking me anyway and saying, "By the way, you are really beautiful." He already knew I didn't have any money (I was wearing a baggy tshirt and basketball shorts-- no pockets anywhere), he wasn't hoping I'd change my mind or anything, he was just being kind.
ReplyDeleteI've been reading a book called What Every Body is Saying, and it's really fantastic. It's about the body language you put off and how to read others, and the subconscious ways we read each other. Maybe one way to help fix the problem is by the way you present yourself. I'm not talking about the clothes you wear or anything, but maybe without knowing it, you're giving off signals that you feel insecure, and that's attracting this kind of behavior in some guys. They subconsciously pick up that you feel uncomfortable, and that's something they can prey on.
It's the same kind of thing that dogs pick up on. Have you ever walked into a room with a dog, and immediately-- just by the presence you put off-- the dog goes down into a submissive position? It's not because you give off the air that you're violent or going to beat it or anything (dogs don't do the whole "submissive position" for that; they take an aggressive stance in case they need to fight). It's just because you exude confidence, and the dog can tell you mean business. It's happened for my brother who is a cop before, and with a much smaller dog, it's happened with me. And then you lean down and pet the dog, because dogs are the best, and you want him to know you like him.
If you're not the kind of person who can produce that effect, you're probably also more likely to be the kind of person who has problems with street harassment. I know that giving off an air of confidence isn't something you can do easily if you already feel uncomfortable in these situations, but it is something you can learn to do anyway. I highly suggest this book What Every Body is Saying by Joe Navarro (you can find it on Amazon or at B&N for $14). Kylee, since I know you personally, I'd be willing to let you just borrow it so you can read it. It'll not only help you put off better body language, but it will help you read others' body language so you can see who to steer clear of when you're walking around campus.
ReplyDeleteNow, to clarify (lest anyone think I'm saying something I'm not), I'm not saying I think street harassment is fake or not a real problem. I realize that you feel uncomfortable in social situations, and it's not unprecedented. I'm also not saying that it's your fault for having these people harass you. It's never the victim's fault, I don't care what you're wearing. I'm also not saying that you need become ok with receiving this kind of attention. If it's not something you like, then you shouldn't have to suffer through the abuse just because "someone else would like it."
All I'm saying is that changing your body language so that you come off as someone with more confidence will help end this problem, arguably at the source (The source might be just getting guys to have more respect for women. But then maybe by teaching girls to demand more respect, guys will have more respect. It's a chicken/egg problem). And more importantly than that, changing your body language will actually give you more confidence for two reasons: 1)- some physical stances actually change the chemicals your brain releases, making you feel more in-control, ie the Superman pose, and 2)- once the people around you start responding to the new way you present yourself, the problem will start to diminish and you'll be able to feel more comfortable and confident by being less threatened.
Let me know if you want to borrow my book.