Dreams

On a whim I decided to email an author of a series I'd just finished telling her how much I loved it. It was a dystopian series and well written, and you could tell she wasn't just dragging the story out as long as possible to make more money. In fact, I had to order the last book online since the bookstores don't even carry her in the actual store. And she emailed me back, saying that I made her week! It seriously made me grin so big. I LOVED that she had the time to write me back. And she even wished me luck on my writing!

The series was also a little similar to the story that I've been working on for a year now but that's been in my head for much longer than that. As I was reading through I could feel that love that she has for her characters that I have for these particular characters of mine. I know everything about them. When they were born, why they do certain things, all about their kids and grandkids, just everything. It's all in my head and these characters are like my babies.

Even though they're my babies though, sometimes I want to delete them. I get so frustrated. I love this story. This is the story I want to write and share. But I get discouraged. I learned so many things in my creative writing class this past semester and I'm so glad I took it! At times though I felt like I wasn't meant to be there. Other times I'll share this story with my other writing friends, and they are less than excited about it. Or there's those times I'll share and wait ever so patiently for a reply, and there is none. And that's the worst. I just handed you a tiny piece of my soul and it's nerve wracking and dang it just tell me something!

It's been my dream for as long as I can remember to get published and sign books at some sort of book signing. I've always wanted to do that. But I've realized that dream is getting in the way of me actually doing what I love. I'm not letting the story unfold how I want it to because I'm too worried about what other people are going to think or if it's publishable or whatever. Or what some random people with loud opinions say makes a good story. So I'm making some changes.

I'm going to write MY story the way I want to. The way it's always been in my head. Who knows where it will go from there in the editing process. I'm going to work and work and work until I'M happy with it. I'm not going to worry about if it's publishable. (right now.) I'm just going to focus on giving these characters that I love their voice and their say. And then, when I'm happy with it, I'm going to send it out. If nothing happens, then I'll self publish and share other ways. Because look at this author who sent me an email. She isn't huge or anything and I found her randomly and if my English professor read her story he'd say it was just fluff but me, some random person she's never heard of, it touched me. It inspired me. And that's all I want.

I used my extra print money at school to print my story out for some extra motivation. There's nothing like holding all your work in your hands. : ) 

The world of authors and writing is full of criticism, there's no way around it. And at this moment, I'm not ready to handle that. I'm slowly working on that thick skin when it comes to my writing. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed that I'm not ready for it. One day I will be. I'm still learning how to write. But this is my dream. I'm forever thankful to those few people who support me and actually read through my writing and keep encouraging me. I know it always isn't the best and sometimes they might be stretching the truth, but they're supporting me in my dream. They see that passion and love for this story and support me. So thank you.