Sensory Memories

In trying to get over my birth trauma, my therapist suggested that I try to focus on sensory memories. Those traumatic moments I can remember so viscerally that it takes me right back into that moment. I can remember what I felt, what I saw, what I heard, what I smelt. She challenged me to remember those same senses for the happy moments as well. That first hour I was with Aaron and his weight on my chest, how warm he was. His perfect newborn smell.  Stroking his soft wrinkly little hands and wondering how they could be so small and perfect. 

There is research that shows when we focus on our five senses in a moment, we can remember it better like we are reliving it. So I've been really working to try and stay in the moment when I'm making memories and all those senses. 

I want to remember what it's like to go get Aaron for his first feeding every night after he's had a bath. How he smells like lavender and his hair is so soft against my cheek as I try to comfort him while Sammy makes him a bottle. How he's searching for a bottle and his eyes are all blinky and that little sigh of relief when he sees it. How I carry him to his room and he squirms against my chest to make sure Sammy is walking behind me with the bottle still. How I squish his little feet that are starting to get a little more chubby and am amazed at how soft they are and how much bigger they're getting. 

I want to remember the weight of him on my chest and in my lap when he was slightly sleepy at church and how he curled against me, sucking on his pacifier, perfectly content just laying against me. 

I want to remember the time I was at the doctor feeling a little nervous about all the medical tests they wanted to do for some stomach pain and how Aaron was sitting with his legs in the air and he reached up with his little fingers to grab my hand. How comforting that little touch was and how glad I was to not be alone and have my boy with me. How sweet he is. 

I want to remember the cool frosty I was having and how glad I was that Sammy had warned me before driving home from an appointment to take a different way home and how thankful I was that he always looks out for me. And that he brought home dinner too and even got me some ice cream. The look on Aaron's face as I took a bite and how he reached out wanting some. I always share my food with him and he knew that I wasn't sharing and seemed so betrayed. That look of pure joy on his face when he tasted the chocolate and the sound of Sammy and I cracking up as we watch this little person discover all these new things.