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Little Bit o Writing Monday!

Chapter 34: Planets

What are planets? Well, they are really ginormous beach balls that have been filled with air, and rocks and a bunch of other stuff. Where did they come from? I dunno. Maybe a plastic factory. Who cares? They exist so just deal with it. Planets are out in outer space, not inner space. They are held out there by very strong men who are being punished.

The order of the planets is, Earth Pluto Mercury Mars Neptune Jupiter Venus Saturn and Youranus (some dodo heads like to spell this one Uranus.) A little rhyme to help you remember them is, Every platypus makes major narwhals jump very sophisticatedly your majesty. On leap day, the order changes around. But that only happens once every year so don't worry about it.

Pluto is ruled by Mickey Mouses dog. He came to power in the year 1931, after a picnic. He is sometimes mistaken as a very goofy dog, but he isn't. He never drives anything with the word Rover in it. The planet Pluto is the outcast of the planets. Some very smart people say that it's not a planet because it's so small and doesn't live in its own neighborhood.
Uranus smells weird.

Venus is a very smooshy planet full of cream and sharp objects. The people there have the smoothest legs ever.
Saturn and Mercury are full of cars. That’s where they come from. Cars are actually aliens that we earthlings ride in. That’s why your car never works when you want it too. It’s the alien seeking revenge for when you slammed the car door.

Earth is a completely harmless planet where nothing ever goes wrong and life is peaceful.

Jupiter is a boarding school. It's an all boys school. They learn how to be stupider. Girls prefer to go to college, to get more knowledge.

Mars is a candy factory. They prefer to be on Mars so their secret recipes for choco latte won't be stolen.

Neptune? We don't care about Neptune.

Most planets have tv. Jupiter has the best reception in the world. It only has about 63 different satellites floating around it. Earth only has one, and it's made of cheese.

Section Review
Do you like duct tape?
What is a catharsis?
Why are there so many songs about rainbows? 
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