(It's no secret that I've struggled a bit with getting along with my in-laws. Here's Nikole from Stubbornly Delighted with some great advice!)
When it comes to marriage advice and tips, things can get controversial. People have given me advice that I have learned to flat out disregard, because it was terrible. Ugh. Believe me, terrible. I have a few rules to accepting marriage advice: 1. Do I want my marriage to be like the person's who is giving me the advice? And 2. How long have they had a successful marriage? That being said, I have learned things in my short twoish years of marriage that I think are important. I might be completely wrong, but I'm going to share one of those things today in the spirit of Kylee's beautiful wedding adventure time.
Getting married is a total roller coaster ride. Hopefully, it calms down eventually, but the first couple of years is like the scary, twisty, upside down part. I haven't been married for that long, but I have learned something about the craziest, highest, fastest section of the ride. Yep. In-laws.
When I first got married, I thought of my in-laws as more like my husband's friends than my husband's family. I thought I could get to know them and then see if I want to get along with them or not. But there are two realizations that I believe we all have to come to when it comes to in-laws.
1.) They're his family.
Your in-laws are not your husband's friends, they're his family. And now, they're your family. People value family differently, but there shouldn't be a double standard. If your family is important to you, then his should be. If you would do anything to see your family for Christmas, you should make the same sacrifices to see his next year. You cannot pick your family, so if family is important to you. Act like it.
That being said, your husband has lived with these people for almost his entire life. If he has a strained relationship with his family, relax. Things have a way of working out. In cases like this, you don't have to give the same time and attention to his family as you might to yours. It might make things more tense, and quite frankly, he should know best how to handle tough situations with his own family. If he says back off, then back the (insert explicit here) off! However, don't talk about his family in any negative way to each other, to your family, and especially to your friends. There's no need for it. You're gonna be with these people for forever whether you like it or not, so don't add to drama with needless gossip and negative feelings.
2.) They're different than your family.
Your in-laws are your family, but you don't grow up with them. They have different ways of doing things. They value different things. They celebrate holidays differently. They are totally different, but that doesn't necessarily mean they're wrong. When you don't like the way your husband's family handles a situation ask yourself: Does this really matter? Is this a wrong way of handling it or just different? What can this hurt? What are possible consequences of getting involved? Will my actions hurt my or my husband's relationship with his family?
Change can be fun and exciting if we allow it to be. Maybe they don't celebrate Christmas by stringing popcorn, but there's a reason they celebrate it the way that they do. Find that reason and enjoy the discovery!
There's no secret to getting along with your in-laws, but play it smart. Be kind, be honest, be trustworthy, and be forgiving. There is no need to have angst when it comes to in-laws if you keep it cool. So, keep it cool.
-- ~Nikole
When it comes to marriage advice and tips, things can get controversial. People have given me advice that I have learned to flat out disregard, because it was terrible. Ugh. Believe me, terrible. I have a few rules to accepting marriage advice: 1. Do I want my marriage to be like the person's who is giving me the advice? And 2. How long have they had a successful marriage? That being said, I have learned things in my short twoish years of marriage that I think are important. I might be completely wrong, but I'm going to share one of those things today in the spirit of Kylee's beautiful wedding adventure time.
Getting married is a total roller coaster ride. Hopefully, it calms down eventually, but the first couple of years is like the scary, twisty, upside down part. I haven't been married for that long, but I have learned something about the craziest, highest, fastest section of the ride. Yep. In-laws.
When I first got married, I thought of my in-laws as more like my husband's friends than my husband's family. I thought I could get to know them and then see if I want to get along with them or not. But there are two realizations that I believe we all have to come to when it comes to in-laws.
1.) They're his family.
Your in-laws are not your husband's friends, they're his family. And now, they're your family. People value family differently, but there shouldn't be a double standard. If your family is important to you, then his should be. If you would do anything to see your family for Christmas, you should make the same sacrifices to see his next year. You cannot pick your family, so if family is important to you. Act like it.
That being said, your husband has lived with these people for almost his entire life. If he has a strained relationship with his family, relax. Things have a way of working out. In cases like this, you don't have to give the same time and attention to his family as you might to yours. It might make things more tense, and quite frankly, he should know best how to handle tough situations with his own family. If he says back off, then back the (insert explicit here) off! However, don't talk about his family in any negative way to each other, to your family, and especially to your friends. There's no need for it. You're gonna be with these people for forever whether you like it or not, so don't add to drama with needless gossip and negative feelings.
2.) They're different than your family.
Your in-laws are your family, but you don't grow up with them. They have different ways of doing things. They value different things. They celebrate holidays differently. They are totally different, but that doesn't necessarily mean they're wrong. When you don't like the way your husband's family handles a situation ask yourself: Does this really matter? Is this a wrong way of handling it or just different? What can this hurt? What are possible consequences of getting involved? Will my actions hurt my or my husband's relationship with his family?
Change can be fun and exciting if we allow it to be. Maybe they don't celebrate Christmas by stringing popcorn, but there's a reason they celebrate it the way that they do. Find that reason and enjoy the discovery!
There's no secret to getting along with your in-laws, but play it smart. Be kind, be honest, be trustworthy, and be forgiving. There is no need to have angst when it comes to in-laws if you keep it cool. So, keep it cool.
-- ~Nikole
Awesome post! :)
ReplyDeleteI wanted to let Kylee know that I nominated her for the Liebster award.xx
http://theflannelflower.blogspot.com/2014/06/liebster-award-discovering-new-blogs.html
I like this! I've seen all of my siblings marry off and how they contribute to their in laws and how their spouses contribute to my family, and I really like this advice. Very versatile. :)
ReplyDelete