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I'm trying to hold it in. Trying to smile besides it all. Have some laughs. But it's there. At the back of my mind. I can't focus. I can't think. It's so, frustrating. Frustrating isn't the right word. I don't know what the right word would be.

I keep getting so upset with myself. It's not my decision. It's not my choice. It's not going to affect me the most. But it is going to have an affect on my life. A great one. One that I've wanted and been praying and wishing for. It's so close I can feel it, which makes it all the more aggravating. The waiting.

I keep having dreams where I'm confronted and no matter what I say, no matter how loud I yell, it doesn't matter. They don't care. They won't listen. That's one of my fears. Not having a voice at all.

I'd scream in my pillow but I've got to play it cool. They don't get it.

Oh, and why'd my english teacher decide to tell me now, 5 years later that I can't use five spaces in place of a tab anymore? Some habits sure do die hard.


Comments

  1. KathySeptember 11, 2012 at 12:19 PM

    I feel your pain Kylee and you are still in my prayers!

    ReplyDelete

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