They See You When You're Sleeping

You know that awkward phase, before you go to sleep and you're only half asleep? And you can hear everything? Well, I was taking a nap after my UHL classes today because they always make my head hurt afterwards, when my roommate came in with all our guy friends. They all came into our room and there I was. They were all laughing quietly because I sleep on my stomach so it looks like I can't breathe. Been doing it my whole life people, and I'm still alive :) Anyways. They decided it would be funny to take pictures with me. Not knowing what to do I just continued to lay there.

Then I head I'mma get a creeper shot with her. So I waited a few seconds until I knew Austin was next to me and bam! I punched him and he jumped so high and screamed. Yep, I won that round. I'm glad I pretended to wake up because we went to dinner afterwards and it was delicious. Spaghetti, garlic mashed potatoes, and broccoli were meant to be eaten together. 

It's been a pretty great week. I'm lucky because I only have one midterm while everyone else has a bunch so there's a lot of pulling hair out going on around here. I talked out the rest of my story with the bestby and have the rest planned out, the hard thing is finding time to sit down, concentrate, and write it. I love having afternoon lunch dates in the library, and being able to wear scarves. My thighs are getting pretty big though, because it's been so cold the last few days I pedal my bike as fast as possible to class. Which is sort of counterintuitive because the faster I go, the more wind in my face. I'll figure that out. 

One thing that's bothering me is my narrative class. We read a lot of books and have to watch a lot of movies outside of class. I love the books we read, but it's the movies that get me. Most of them are r. For the first one I thought, oh, I'll just read the plot summary online and I'll get by fine. No, that didn't work. I was so lost and confused. Which is why I freaked out when I got an email from the academic risk center saying he'd reported me to them. when I talked to the advisor who'd contacted me she said it was because I'd missed two of his classes. Well that's because I didn't start his class until the second week of school so it was all a misunderstanding. But it still gave me a kick in the butt to work harder. 

The last two weeks I worked extra extra hard to catch up and show the professor what I can do. We read Frankenstein which I absolutely loved reading.  When our teacher described the movie we were watching with it, I was excited to dig deeper into the Frankenstein universe. I went to the library and checked out the movie I was supposed to watch. The guy put it in a clear case and said I had four hours to watch it in the library. So I sat down at a table and started to watch it. I'm really regretting it. 

It wasn't until an hour in that I realized, there is no way this isn't R. I only had one question filled out on the worksheet that was due for class though. So I kept watching. I'm regretting it. Not because it was scary, but because it was utter trash. That movie didn't need to be made. There is so much crap out there in the world, and I didn't need to see that. I had a choice in watching that. Yes, my grade probably would have suffered, but there's more important things out there.

I've been meaning to talk to the professor about how I don't watch R movies, but I've tried to get through two of them already without saying anything, and I'm embarrassed at myself for waiting this long. 

College has tested me so hard on my beliefs. I get bombarded over and over again with R movies, never from the same people. Sometimes the looks of confusion from good friends hurt. At work people leave their change on the counter because they don't want to carry it, and at the end of the day there's about five dollars just sitting there. Every day it calls to me. Everyone else takes the change, it's not the stores, it's the customers. I don't take it though because that's just how I grew up, whenever we saw change on the floor at the mall, my mom would make us leave it there. Now here I am 19 and doing the same thing.

There's other situations, but I can't think of them at the moment. It's just been a bit rough, and I'm scared I'll break one day. That's what happened in high school. But I'm not that person anymore, far from it actually. This time I know who I am. I know I can do this. Sometimes it just gets hard. 

I wonder if I would be in the same situation if I had gone to a church school. Probably not. But I know that I'm supposed to be here. I know that I received an answer to my prayers and this is where I need to be right now. I know I can do this, that I can be strong. I'm not perfect and I'm learning everyday from my mistakes.