Fiasco

I have a confession. I have to cry at least once a month, or I lose it. I go crazy. I can't handle the world. Everything gets so bottled up inside, and I just cry. This may or may not always happen during PMS week…

It happens at the weirdest places. And honestly, it makes me giggle. I think it's funny. Because every month without fail I forget that I need to do this until the moment where I just lose it. When I do lose it, it's a fiasco. My face turns alllll red and my makeup just disappears. It doesn't run or anything, it's just gone. My eyes puff up and my face gets so irrated that the littlest touch hurts. Then there's the runny nose all over the place and then the lost mascara and snot somehow in my hair. I try my hardest not to lose it at church because, I am not cute when I cry.

Why am I writing about this? Because, I think it's kind of funny and makes me giggle. I've been so afraid of crying all my life and now, I just do it everywhere at the weirdest times, and, I feel a lot of love when I cry because I have an awesome best friend. So, I kind of want to remember all of those fiascos.

Sammy has a towel in the back of his car called the crying towel. I cry in his car so much that he put it there. It's to blow my nose in and get that mascara. (That's where it disappears to!)

For some reason, I like to cry in his car. It feels safe there.

I cried through half of Man of Steel when we saw it. I was so upset that Sammy didn't propose to me then because I'd thought in my mind he was going to and had been prepping myself all day long. He didn't understand where that idea came from so I cried through the whole movie, stopped, ate some popcorn, then cried some more.

Man of Steel was on the other night and Sammy said I should give it a try to see if I actually liked it this time. I ended up crying again because it was time for my monthly cry and I just really don't like that movie. We watched basketball after that and everything was better.

I cried while we walking to a soccer game. Sammy turned me around and I cried it out in the car, then we went to the game and had a really fun time!

I cried the last half hour of New Years eve and the first hour of New Years. It was a great way to enter the New Year.

I cried at school because I got stressed over people at a vending machine. I ate while I cried because I had to get to work right after and ya know, I can multi task.

I cried because I heard the Phantom of the Opera music and that stuff gives me nightmares and I remember just being on the phone with Sammy blubbering about it and the next day he was like I had no idea what was going on.

There's been plenty more times but they aren't coming to mind right now. crying. It can seem like such a fiasco, but it's really not. Sure, you may not look your best. But it's important to get things out. And, I think it's important to be able to laugh at yourself. I've always been so afraid of crying but now I think it's one of my strengths. I just let myself go, then move on with life. Whether it be hormones taking over or life just gets hard. Crying is good.

Big girls do cry.