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Forgiveness

The Best F Words
Forgiveness.

There's some people I need to forgive, otherwise my marriage is going to be a bit tough. Sammy's parents/ my future in laws.

They are wonderful people! But, I've really struggled with loving them over the past year. When Sammy told his parents he wanted to get baptized, afterwards one of the hardest times in our relationship and identity followed. I would get dizzy just thinking about them and everything they had said. It was bad.

I would sit at home at night and just hate them. I hated everything about them. I hated the way they treated Sammy. I hated the way they thought, the way they talked. I thought badly on how they spent their money, their time, their rules. Whenever they would text or call Sammy when I was with him, I prepared myself for the worst and would speak ill of them. I immediately get tense if either of them text or call me, and have ignored his moms calls several times.

Yesterday, there was a situation which I shall write about later, where I was talking with his dad on a technical issue and I was so upset. In my eyes, he didn't know what he was talking about and it was my mission to prove him wrong. I employed the ole google in the process and sent him a long text. He replied later saying, Kylee, I'm just trying to help you. It was the truth, but that made me more upset. Which caused a disagreement with Sammy. When we came to talk together about what was going on, I was already on the defensive and ready to attack. I was right and his parents were wrong and that was that!

His dad called us and spoke to us on speakerphone. He explained everything he was thinking and such, and as he spoke I immediately calmed down. He wasn't trying to prove me wrong or control my life. He was simply trying to help.

I realized today that I really need to forgive them, or things are going to be rough. On tv and the movies, they always show the crazy in laws and the attitude that it's alright to hate them, they're crazy and trying to ruin your life. And in some cases, having them involved can be toxic to a relationship. But outrightly hating the people who gave birth to and raised my husband is not going to work. I can't be getting tense and defensive every single time they text. I can't immediately want to do the opposite of whatever they say just because they said it. When I do this, it hurts Sammy and it hurts myself even more.

I'm going to work on forgiving for what happened in the past and having a healthy relationship with his parents. They are good people who are welcoming and love everyone. They have welcomed me into their family and invite me along to all events. They feed me every time I come over and make sure that I am taken care of. They always remember my birthday and wish me a happy anniversary with Sammy. They've been helping out with the wedding, wanting to make it a very special day. And they love me.

I also need to forgive myself. I'm always thinking that they're looking down on me. For my major and career path choices. For my job. For my mental health. For my introvertedness. The list goes on. The thing is, I've asked Sammy and they have never once said a bad thing about me in those regards. And even if they did, it doesn't matter. Sammy loves me and accepts those things about me, and I accept those things about myself as well. I know everything is going to be alright.

From today forward, I'm going to make a conscious effort to love Sammy's parents and forgive the past. After all, they're my family too!


Comments

  1. Lauren SkousenApril 27, 2014 at 2:13 PM

    I love your honesty in this post! And I love that you've recognized that you need to accept them since they are your family. Accepting people, flaws an all, especially after they've wronged you - is a HUGE deal. But I know you can do it!

    Thanks for linking up! Can't wait to cohost with you this upcoming Friday! xo

    ReplyDelete

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